10 Signs of Emotional Abuse You Shouldn’t Ignore

There’s a quote that says, “The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart.” And it’s true — words can deeply hurt. But unlike physical wounds, the damage isn’t visible. It’s not a black eye or a bruise. Instead, it’s the kind of wound that chips away at your self-worth… like a shadow that slowly begins to cloud your light.

When someone says hurtful things to you once, it can sting. But when those words are repeated over and over again — especially by someone you love — the damage can be profound. And that’s where emotional abuse begins.

If a stranger online calls you a name, it might bother you briefly, but you move on. You don’t internalize it. But when the same hurtful words come from someone you love — a partner, a parent, a close friend — it cuts differently. It seeps in. I know this because I’ve lived it. For the longest time, I believed I was difficult to love. Unworthy of affection. Because the person I cared for deeply didn’t reflect love back — they projected pain.

Emotional abuse doesn’t always look like shouting or insults. Sometimes, it’s subtle. It shows up in manipulation, in blame, in the silent withdrawal of affection. And the heartbreaking part? We often excuse it. “Maybe I shouldn’t have made them upset.” “Maybe it’s my fault.”
You start to question yourself. You begin to shrink. You become less of you, and more of what they want you to be.

Let’s be clear: emotional abuse is not someone saying something mean once because they were having a bad day. We’re all human — we mess up, we say things we regret. But emotional abuse is consistent. It’s a pattern. It’s repeated words and actions that belittle you, devalue you, and make you feel small.

People might say, “I only said that because I love you — you made me so angry.”
But no one — absolutely no one — is responsible for another person’s actions. Love is not an excuse for cruelty. Anger is not an excuse for disrespect. Real love holds space. Real love stays respectful, even in conflict.

Emotional abuse is hard to spot because it doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it whispers — and those whispers can be the loudest thing in your mind. So if you’re wondering, “Am I experiencing emotional abuse?” — here are some signs to pay attention to:

1. You're constantly walking on eggshells — afraid of setting them off.

2. They use guilt, shame, or fear to control you.

3. You feel like you're "too sensitive" — because they often tell you that you are.

4. They gaslight you — making you doubt your memory, feelings, or reality.

5. They dismiss or belittle your emotions. ("You're overreacting." "It’s not that deep.")

6. They control who you talk to, where you go, or what you do — even subtly.

7. You feel drained, anxious, or worthless after being around them.

8. They give you love only when you behave a certain way — it's conditional.

9. They use silent treatment or withdrawal to punish you.

10. You find yourself defending them to others, even when you're hurting inside.

We often look for undeniable “proof” to justify leaving or creating distance. We wait for things to get bad enough. But here’s the truth: You don’t need to prove anything to anyone in order for your feelings to be valid. If something feels off, it probably is.
And that alone is enough reason to explore it further or make a different choice.

If you’re wondering whether you’re experiencing emotional abuse — or just feeling confused and unsettled in a relationship — the next exercise may help you get the clarity you need. It’s something I deeply wish I had done in a past relationship.
And it’s not just for romantic situations — it can be just as powerful when applied to friendships, family dynamics, or any close connection.

Here’s what I encourage you to do:

The Truth-Telling Journal: An Exercise for Emotional Clarity
To help you track your experiences, notice patterns, and reconnect with your inner truth — especially when someone’s words make you doubt yourself.

What Happened?

Reflect on a moment that felt off, painful, or confusing.

• What was said or done?

• Who was involved?

• Where were you?

🖊 Example:
“They told me I’m selfish for wanting alone time.”

How Did It Make You Feel?

Honor your emotional experience without judgment.

• What emotions came up for you?

• Did it make you question yourself?

• Did you feel small, anxious, confused, guilty, etc.?

🖊 Example:
“I felt guilty, like I was asking for too much. But also angry.”

What’s the Truth?

Challenge the hurtful message by writing down a compassionate, grounded truth.

• What would you say to a friend in your shoes?

• What do you know to be true about yourself?

🖊 Example:
“I’m allowed to take time for myself. That’s not selfish — it’s healthy.”

Pattern Check

After doing this a few times, look for repeating patterns.

• Is this a one-time thing or ongoing?

• Do you notice control, gaslighting, or belittling as a theme?

• Is your sense of self growing, or shrinking in this relationship?

💡 Bonus Tip:
Keep your journal somewhere safe (password-protected app, physical notebook in a safe place, or even voice memos). If you ever feel unsure, it’s something you can come back to and see with more clarity.

💡 I’m Here to Help 💡

I know how confusing, painful, and exhausting it can be to navigate relationships that don’t feel quite right. If you’re struggling to gain clarity, set boundaries, or break free from unhealthy patterns, let’s talk.

👉 Book a discovery call with me and let’s explore what’s really going on in your relationship. You deserve love that feels safe, reciprocal, and fulfilling. Let’s take the first step together. 💛

If this resonated with you and you’re ready to step into a healthier, more aligned love life, visit my website for more resources, coaching options, and support on your journey.

Let’s create the love life you truly deserve. 💕

Also feel free to drop me a DM on my Instagram page with any suggestions or topics you'd love to see in future newsletters!