Last week, I told you about the woman who spiraled over a two-sentence text. And I promised you tools.
But here's the thing, not all of you are in the same chapter, right?
Some of you are single and terrified you’ll never find someone. Some of you are stuck analyzing every word in a talking stage. And some of you are in relationships, but deeply unhappy.
So I'm giving each of you something different. Something that I believe will serve each one of you!
If You're The Single One:
The Body Check-In
You know that feeling all too well don’t you? You're scrolling through dating apps, or you had a date that didn't go very well, and suddenly your chest feels heavy. Your mind starts being mean to you and saying: Will I ever find someone? Am I too much? Is something wrong with me?
But don’t worry, there’s a way to fix that. And here's what I need you to know: that anxiety is not your intuition. It's not truth. It's just noise.
So here's what you do:
When the panic hits, pause everything and do a 60-second body scan:
Close your eyes. Where do you feel the fear in your body? Is it your chest? Your stomach? Your throat?
Breathe into that spot for 5 slow breaths.
Then ask yourself: "Is this real danger, or is my nervous system just scared?"
The answer will almost always be: your nervous system is scared.
And when your nervous system feels safe? You stop catastrophizing! You stop comparing yourself to other men or women. You stop believing the lie that you'll be alone forever.
Do this every time anxiety hits. This week, I want you to do it at least 3 times. Notice what changes.
If You're The Talking Stage One:
The Text Pause Practice
I know you. You meet someone, there's chemistry, and then... you can't stop thinking about them. You really hope that they see a future with you, just like you see a future with them. And then you start spriling… you think “I wonder who else they maybe talking to?” “Are they better than me?”. You're rewriting messages 47 times beause you don’t want to come off too strong. You're checking their Instagram. You're wondering if you should text first or wait.
And the worst part? You feel like you're losing yourself in the process.
Here's what's happening: you're trying to control their response by controlling your behavior.
So let's rewire this:
When you feel the urge to text, double-text, or overanalyze, do this:
Write out everything you want to say in your notes app. Don't hold back. Get it all out.
Do not send it.
Step away for at least 2 hours.
Come back and ask yourself honestly:
"Am I trying to control their response?"
"Am I seeking reassurance because I'm anxious?"
"Does this text feel like the real me, or like anxiety-driven me?"
Delete about 80% of what you wrote.
Send only what you'd be genuinely proud of.
What you're doing here is breaking the impulse → reaction loop. You’re getting clear on what you actually want to send them. You’re leaning in on being authentically you.
This week, I want you to pause at least once. See how it feels to choose your words instead of being controlled by your emotions.
If You're The Struggling Relationship One:
The Intentional Connection Reset
You're in a relationship. You love this person. But you're stuck in a cycle. An example can be: you reach for them, they pull away, you pull away, they reach back... and around and around you go. And every time, you wonder: Is this healthy? Or is this just familiar?
Here's the truth: you can't fix this pattern alone. This one requires both of you.
So let's make it intentional:
This week, schedule a specific conversation with your partner. Not during a fight. Not rushed. Just 30 minutes, phones away.
Start with vulnerability:
"I've noticed we get stuck in a pattern. We reach, we retreat, we reconnect... and I think we're both exhausted. I want to change this together."
Then ask:
"What do you need from me to feel safe?"
"What do I do that makes you pull away?"
"How can I show up differently?"
Listen. Don't defend. Let them be honest.
Then share your side:
"When you [specific thing like going quiet, getting distant, pulling away], my nervous system goes into protection mode. I either chase you or shut down."
"I know this isn't all you. I want to meet you halfway."
End with commitment:
"What's ONE thing we can both commit to this week to break this pattern?"
Maybe it's having real quality time more consistently. Maybe it's a weekly date night. Maybe it's checking in at a specific time. Whatever it is, pick one thing and do it for 2 weeks.
This conversation does something powerful: it turns you from opponents into teammates. It moves you from reactive to intentional. And it reminds him that you're not crazy or needy, you're just asking for safety.
And that's worth fighting for.
Here's What I Know About You:
Whether you're The Single One, The Talking Stage One, or The Struggling Relationship One, you're not broken. You're not too much. You're not unlovable.
These tools aren't magic. They won't fix everything in a week. But they will help you interrupt the pattern. And interrupting the pattern is where everything shifts.
So pick your tool. Do it this week. And notice what changes.
I'm rooting for you.
Talk soon, Mariana 🤍
