For years, I operated on a secret condition.

I told myself I would start dating again once I felt like I was lovable again. I’d set better boundaries once I felt more confident about myself. I’d stop apologizing for taking up space once I had my life more together. I’d love myself fully once I’d fixed all the parts that felt broken.

I was waiting to become worthy before I allowed myself to be loved.

Maybe you’ve done this too. Held love, from others, from yourself, at arm’s length until some future version of you shows up and earns it. But please please please just remember this:

“The version of you that is worthy of love? She’s already here. He’s already here. They are already here.”

I know this can sound like a cheesy greeting card. But I’ve watched it be true in real, messy, non-Instagram lives over and over again! Particularly with my clients.

I will repeat this time and time again, the people who attract the deepest love are not the ones who have it all together. They’re the ones who have decided they are worth showing up for. Right now. Exactly as they are.

Self-love is not spa days and affirmations (though both are lovely). In practice, it looks more like this:

♥ It’s canceling plans when you’re genuinely depleted, without a four-paragraph apology.

♥ It’s noticing when someone’s behavior makes you feel small, and trusting that feeling instead of explaining it away.

♥ It’s speaking to yourself the way you’d speak to your best friend after a hard day. Not “How could you be so stupid,” but “That was hard. You did your best. Let’s rest and try again.”

♥ It’s choosing yourself over and over again in the small moments, in the big decisions, in all areas of your life.

A Practice for This Week

Each morning this week, before you pick up your phone, place one hand on your chest and ask yourself one question: “What do I need today?” Not what’s on your to-do list….Not what you owe someone. What do YOU need today?

Then, whatever that answer is, whether it’s more rest, a hard conversation, five minutes of quiet, a reason to laugh, try to give it to yourself.

That is the whole practice. That is how it starts.

You are not a project to be fixed. You are a person to be loved. And loving yourself is the most radical, beautiful, relationship-changing thing you can do!!