In partnership with
Here’s something nobody talks about enough (or not enough at least): you can love someone deeply AND still feel completely disconnected from them.
It doesn’t happen all at once. It creeps in slowly. You stop asking how they really are and start asking what’s for dinner. You stop looking at each other on the couch and start watching the same screen. You stop saying the thing that’s on your mind because you’re tired, or it feels too small, or you’ve said it before and it didn’t land. That same energy you both had for each other at the beginning of the relationship? simply isn’t there anymore.
One day you’re laughing constantly with each other. Another day you realize you can’t remember the last time you laughed together, and I mean really laughed, about something that was just between the both of you.
This is not a crisis though, so don’t freak out! This is a drift. And the good news? the drift is fixable, only if BOTH partners put in the work to come back together.
“Connection is not something you have.
It’s something you keep choosing to make.”
The couples who stay close over time are not the ones who never drift. They’re the ones who NOTICE when it’s happening and reach back toward each other! This can look like: A text in the middle of the afternoon just to say “I was thinking about you.” A question at dinner that isn’t about logistics. A moment of eye contact held one second longer than usual.
These things sound tiny. But they are not tiny, they are incredibly important. So if you’re currently struggling with this with your partner let me help you out:
5 Ways to Rebuild Connection Right Now
Ask better questions. “How was your day?” is a closed door. Try: “What’s something that surprised you today?” or “What’s been on your mind lately that you haven’t told me?” You’ll be amazed what opens up!
Create a ritual that’s just yours. Coffee together before the world wakes up. A walk after dinner. Ten minutes of no phones before bed. It doesn’t matter what it is, what matters is that it is something that is consistent and enjoyed by the two of you.
Say the thing you almost didn’t say. “I’ve been missing you lately, even though you’re right here.” “I’m proud of you.” “I felt really seen when you did that.” These sentences take five seconds but can build instant connection.
Put down your defenses first. When tension rises, one person has to choose to soften before the other will. It takes courage. It is almost always worth it.
Be curious about who they’re becoming. The person you’re with is not the same person they were when you met. aaaand neither are you. Ask about their new thoughts, their shifting dreams, what scares them now. Intimacy is built with questions, not just assumptions and answers.
A Gentle Reminder
Listen, connection doesn’t require a grand gesture or a couples’ retreat or a difficult conversation (though all of those have their place). Most of the time, it just requires attention. The decision to be here, fully, with the person in front of you. Your best friend!
You both need to put your phones down and really look at each other. To ask the question you already know the surface answer to, because you want the deeper one. To say “I love you” like you mean it instead of saying it on autopilot.
Love that lasts is not lucky. It’s practiced. And every single day is a new chance to practice.
✨ WORK WITH ME ✨
If this newsletter stirred something in you, a pattern you recognize, a question you’ve been sitting with, a love story you want to write differently, I want to help you do the real work.
In our 1:1 sessions, we go deep. We look at the stories you’ve been telling yourself about love, we identify what’s been quietly keeping you stuck, and we build something better — together.
Apply for 1:1 Coaching
With love,
Mariana 💗
P.S
Reply to this email anytime — I read every single one.
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